Friday, June 22, 2012

My Weird Behavior

Hi everyone,

Today's post is personal. For a while, I did not realize my using pattern when it comes to clothes, makeup, and many other things. If you dig deep enough, you would probably realize where I am getting at.

I reviews and use makeup products that do not cost a lot of money to buy. However, I do have quite a few mid and high end makeup items. Yet, when it comes to buying and using makeup, I barely touch the expensive products but go for the inexpensive ones.

The same thing happens to clothes and shoes: I would wear the cheap ones to dead while treating the expensive items with reverence. Same thing with stationery: I have stacks and stacks of expensive notebooks left untouched, expensive pens left unused, and expensive sticky notes in shrink wraps just because they are too darn pretty and too darn expensive that I don't want to use them.

Sick, I know. What's sicker is this has been going on ever since I can remember. I save the pretties until I outgrow them (or they outgrow me). I would use that expensive palette maybe once or twice before putting it in a high shelf just to look. And then, one day when I needed it the most, I found out it became dust already. Perfumes faded, lipsticks melt, eye shadows dried, gel liner caked. The story of my life. I know that, yet I can't bring myself to use the pretties.

I guess this has to do with my upbringing. I was born in a communist country back when things were rationed. Once a year, I got a new dress and a new pair of shoes. They were my special occasion dress and shoes. If the dress got ripped or the shoes got scratched, tough titties. I would not get new ones. Therefore, I went a long way to preserve them (and by preserving, I mean not losing them.)

By the time I was 10, things began to look up and I got two new dresses a year: one for new year and one for my birthday. Yes, this was big for me. Can you imagine 100% increment in the number of dresses per year? Yet, I still took the pain not to ruin my dresses. I only wore old ones to school and left new ones for weddings and parties. By the time I was in 8th grade, I had a wardrobe full of dresses that I wore only two or three times. My mom gave them away to poor kids and I felt like crying. Those were really pretty dresses.

Then, I went through a phase of buying stuff on sale because they were cheap. For a couple of years pre-undergrad graduation to mid-grad school, I had a closet full of ill-fitted clothes. I really had a hard time dressing myself in formal events as I had nothing good enough to wear during those occasions. Then, some time after I graduated grad school, a light bulb went off. I tossed those ill-fitted clothes away and kept only the items I like.

Now, I am about to do the same with my current wardrobe. While I don't have a full closet anymore, I am not happy with my clothing selection, mainly because they no longer fit me. I'm very close to that 20lb weight loss mark and clothes that used to fit me no longer do anymore. Also, I am stepping into the professional work force and I need clothes that make me look like a respectable adult. Clothes cost money but this time around, I am not going to cut corners anymore.

This time, I need to feel like I own the clothes. I am going to wear the heck out of them tops, pants, shoes, perfumes, makeup, and jewelries. Just watch me.

Dao xoxo

P.S: I just switched to a new version of Disqus and I haven't seen any comments lately. Can someone post something, even just to say hi? I want to make sure if the new Disqus works. If it doesn't, I will revert back to the old one.

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