Friday, June 4, 2010

Belly at Large: Skinny Cat

Hey cool people!

It's Friday! Did you notice the mamarazzi move my slot again? I used to write on Tuesday, then she moved me to Wednesday, and now I have Friday. Oh well, it's better than not having a day at all. She told me Wednesday is prime real estate and I got that slot to develop my fan base. Yeah, right, like raccoons would read my post or something!

Talking about raccoons, here's something I've gotta tell you. Yours truly has been unwell thanked to a rabid raccoon in the area. You see, la mamarazzi fed me food by filling a bowl and left it outside her apartment. A couple of months ago, this stupid raccoon came out of the woods and started eating my food. At first, I didn't mind because that was the yucky chicken. But then, there was this mysterious disease happened to the raccoon community and I was infected via the bowl.

This is my "before" picture. I was a voluptuous divo and I heart Vaseline Sheer Infusion

At first, I didn't notice anything but soon, my stomach started to rumble. I didn't feel like eating despite the mamarazzi and the other mama's effort to feed me. I got diarrhea, y'all! I lost weight so fast and by the time the other mama took me to the clinic, I already lost 1.5 lbs. It's like losing 20 lbs in human weight within less than a week.

See my lack of padding around the abdominal area? My name is Belly, yo! Where's my voluptuous belly?

La mamarazzi loves this picture of moi. She said I looked so dreamy :)
I was tired, I was grumpy, I didn't feel like eating Meow Mix. The mamarazzi started to get worried. And worst of all, I didn't catch that snake right in front of her, but we'll talk about that later.

The trip to the clinic was eventful. They probed me, they poked me, they even inserted a foreign object to my behind to take some temperature. I was forced to show them my kitty power but then, everything was fine. I am as healthy as I can be. And I got 5 cans of cat food to go, hehe.

Diarrhea is not fun, I'm telling ya. Now, I'm back at eating solid food and I get my strength back as well. La mamarazzi told me I look like a skinny kitten and when she pats me, she called me her furry baby, purrrr.

Talking about the epic battle:

I'm still Bellywulf, the snake slayer. Later that day, I finally caught the sucker right in the throat. Since the mamarazzi wasn't home, I took it to the other mama's house to show it to her. I don't know what's wrong with women and snakes. The other mama yelled at me and told me to take the snake away from her. Come on, lady! I just want to show you my love by bringing you a gift! You can even make a belt out of it.

After that day, it became my mission to protect my loved ones. I've hunted down 2 other snakes and killed them. It's fun, I'm kind of like Buffy the vampire slayer. I guess you can call me Belly the snake slayer, aka el Gato supremo :)

So don't worry, my favorite humans/fans. I'm fine. La mamarazzi took good care of me, she even wakes up early in the morning to feed me yummy food and give me water. I need water in this hot weather to survive, y'all. She even sings "Soft Kitty" to me. And I promise myself to give her less stank eyes unless she deserves it.

The original Soft Kitty (Sheldon's version):

Love, peace, and tuna fish,
Mr. Belly the snake slayer, aka el Gato Supremo

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