Friday, May 21, 2010

Belly at Large: Cat vs. Snake, an Epic Battle

Yo, home girls! Belly's here with a Hollywood action story for you. Have you watched "Snake on a Plane"? Well, forget about it. We have a new snake story called "Cat vs. Snake: an Epic Battle" starring Mr. Belly.

Forget Will Smith, y'all! I'm the star in this movie. Kitty Power, roar!
Well, it happened like this. On a hot spring day that felt like summer, the mamarazzi went outside to get a newspaper and saw this giant black snake chilling right in her front yard. The snake looked like this:

Of course, the mamarazzi didn't take this picture. She was too scared to even move! The picture came from this site.
The rat was making some rattling noise and the mamarazzi had no idea if it was poisonous or not. Also, she did not come close enough to see if it had a split tongue. She came back and forth around the door area about 5 times before she remembered I am the snake slayer.

She called "Belly, Belly" for some couple of times and there I was, her feline knight in stripped fur armor came charging in.

"Belly, get the snake," she said.

I moved a step closer, the snake coiled and hissed.

"I am Bellywulf!" I roared before leaping forward.  The snake ran away. But immediately, it ran back! This time, the snake coiled tightly and its tail rattled. It was kinda fierce and freaky at the same time.

"Belly, tell the snake to go away!" the mamarazzi said.

"Ok, this is a tough one. Let me conjure my ancient Egyptian knowledge passed from Bastet, the cat goddess. I was on my Sphinx pose, staring at the snake. Eventually, it became a staring contest between me and the bastard. I didn't move an inch and neither was it.

The modified Sphinx pose for beginners
At this point, the mamarazzi got a bit tired and said, "Belly, chase the snake. Snake, go away!"

I pretended not to listen. My 1000 Stare is working great, the snake started to relax his body. But then, the mamarazzi had to mess it up and threw a pine cone at it! The thing sprang up in the air and hissed loudly.

"Woman, let me handle this!' I said. Then, I conjured the 1000 Stare again. But this time around, I felt the weight of the world on top of me.

"Dao! Dao! Do something! I'm losing my power here!" I said telepathically.

All of the sudden, it rang in her human brain that snakes are amphibians so they rely on the surrounding temperature to function. That's why we don't see them in winter, it's too cold for them. So, the mamarazzi came inside, thinking of getting some ice to throw at the snake but got none. Water would work, so she got her beloved spray bottle with cleaning solution and sprayed at it.

Spray one: snake jumped. It rattled me, sending me sprinting backward. I was on my toes with arching back.  The mamarazzi forgot I don't like water, either.

Spray two: snake really slithered away. Yay! So she kept on spraying a couple more times before headed out of the house. She ended up carrying a spray bottle around her (muhahahaha!)

The morale of this story? It's good to have someone who's willing to rescue you but if all fails, you need to have a plan B like what my mamarazzi did. The knight in shining armor, albeit being Bellywulf, can do so much to protect you :)

That's all for today, folks! This is a true story, I should be rewarded with kitty chow.

Also, don't forget to join Lancer Dermatology Skincare Giveaway. The mamarazzi likes the stuff and I wish she could use it on me but she said it's not for kittens. Oh well, anybody wants to sponsor me some stuff?

Love, peace, and tuna fish,
Mr. Belly

P.S: If you like my blog (it's true, this is my blog, Dao just fills in for me), please subscribe to my feed. Thanks a lot!


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